Does it was a Sign?

I've dream of her few time already...In my dream, she is my girl friend, that i didn't make it last time...my 1st love...The only things left is her name, face , and the 5 year that i've keep thinking of her, don't make any result but sweet memories...I know that time i'm disqualified to be with her, but all the things i've done, is honestly gave from my heart, immature but i'm serious...5 years i've been giving all of my heart, i understand why she don't accept, but i've never forget everything we done, every moment we through...The 1st time i send you home by my little motorbike, the 1st time you lay on my back, the 1st time you looking at me, and the 1st time i saw your smile...these things are never away from my mind...Our life had a very big difference and distance now, but i'll never ever forget your smile, the eyes that drive me crazy before, and...your sound...Irene, i'm miss you so much...Even though you've never accept me, but i'm still miss you...Last i wish you can get a very good relationship partner that can bring you a fortunately future...Take care, my 1st love...

Where am i now?

Time passed so fast, almost 1 year already...My title showing that i've lost, but its doesn't meant that making my life to be confuse...I'm still doing the same things, walking on the street that we use to hold together, eating the food that we use to enjoy together, seeing the view that we use to smile together, but its nothing change to me now...Eventhought i've changed alot, eventhought i've learned to be strong now, but i still cannot put it down...does it meant i'm still loving her? I don't know...and don't dare to know...standing on rainy day of the road, my heart raining too, sometimes i looking at someone who running through to their dream, i felt that i'm so worst...Where's my dream? Does it meant i'm just a weak buddy as like other loser? Yes i'm loser before, but actually what kind of things i lose? i think...i've lose of making decision at the time, i've lose to the Presure, Tension that pushing me to made the decision...If i'm trying to blame anyone, the first i'll going to blame is ME!!! Cause my weakness done the hurt to me...to her...But luckily someone belong her at that time...sounds like i'm so understanding right? But actually i can't, i can't forgive her, i can't forgive him, and i can't forgive myself...GOD...Why don't you give somemore times to me...i really decided to change when i came back from shanghai, but its too late...Maybe thats a punishment for my weaknesses at that time.............Almost 1 year already, tomorrow is her birthday...where am i? what can i do? haiz.....